23 May 2010 Review of Connie Dieken, Talk Less, Say More: Three Habits to Influence Others and Make Things Happen
Talk Less, Say More: Three Habits to Influence Others and Make Things Happen by Connie Dieken
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I bought this book because I was many times in situations where I start talking and then there are some problems in stopping me. So the title seemed perfect for me. And although I thought this is going to be one of those motivational books, where you think, yeah right but this is not for me. In this book, I really found some valuable advice for me.
Who needs to read this book?
I would recommend the book to everybody:
- who is at least sometimes professionally or personally in connection with other people. And only if you are a one-man-band virtual organization, we all other are in that group, and
- especially to managers (or whatever you would like to call yourself) who have to report to their superiors on the one hand and work in a group of people on the other hand.
To whom the author doesn’t recommend this book:
- to people with enormous power,
- to people who get things done by others,
- to people who save time and money by inspiring others performance,
- to people who are capable of creating growth, innovation, and profitability by convincing others to act.
I’m not one of those people so I have read the book. And you?
Use triplet tactics to present your ideas
How to get people’s attention? Three things to remember:
- Stay in their moment.
- Front-load: nail the big idea, chose their PMOC, defuse defensiveness.
- Goldilocks candour: create a candid culture.
Triplet tactics is one the things that opened my eyes. It goes like this. Blah, Blah, Blah. Yada, Yada, Yada. Or structurally:
- Key point 1 (and sub-points),
- Key point 2 (and sub-points), and
- Key point 3 (and sub-points).
This has helped me even with the websites content structuring.
To me very important are the words, that the writer claims to be smart hedging words: + might, + may, + consider, + appears to, + could, + should, + seems to. Very useful for my English correspondence. To be used in cases when you are not certain but would like to appear credible anyway. So, yes, I am going to consider using smart hedging words.
And I should stop tagging, a tag is a small edition at the end of the sentence. Only an occasional tag decisively is to be used to win consensus and win agreement. And I sound decisive when I’m convincing myself.
Those two above explained tactics (tagging and hedging) are all part of sounding decisive were you should be familiar with the three of them:
- Stop tagging and hedging.
- Contribute to meetings.
- Voice your opinion with sincerity.
Being credible and likeable at the same time is not possible
CREDIBILITY <=> IDEAL <=> LIKEABILITY
Interesting to know for me was that to be credible and likeable at the same time is not possible. The best is to be right in between. We also all know that the unspoken rule is that receivers are beholden to repay kindness. The same goes for me if I would like to achieve something with other people. Thoughtful gestures will help, definitely.
And only some more details:
- “Pre-Internet, company leaders rallied the troops through reports and annual speeches.” of particular interest to me, since I run the interactive annual report design consultancy.
- one Marco, was named to be: a deliberate perfectionist and an accidental rambler. What a title!
- there are tips on how to accept criticism and how to critique.
- “think of a day in your life when every single word, every single sentence, came out exactly as you intended”. If you can’t think of such a day, do not worry, you are only human. Read this book.
- I have a dream from dr. Martin Luther King was planned spontaneity.